One-Ton Pumpkin Squashes Competition

Halloween News

NEW WORLD RECORD!

Record Breaking Pumpkin

 A one-ton pumpkin squashes the competition at the Topsfield Fair! History was made when Ron Wallace’s massive pumpkin, “The Freak II,” became the first pumpkin to break the one-ton mark!

Readers, we have to ask ourselves, “what is going on in the family of Cucurbitaceae?” The alarm bells are ringing.

It was only in 2000 that the 1,000 pound pumpkin barrier was broken. So let’s get this straight, pumpkins have doubled in size in just 12 short years! We here at Halloween for All, recognize that this is bigger and more dynamic than any previous c-change in the orbit of Halloween.

Is this the dire warning of the Mayan calendar manifesting itself in Massachusetts? Why are the two presidential candidates so mum on the matter? Could the fabled 13th planet Nibiru actually be a pumpkin? We don’t know about you, but we’re not waiting around to take marching orders from some kind of monstrous orange overlord!

This a call for action!  Please, while there still may be time, each and every one of us needs to devour anything made of pumpkin. We need to tip the scales back in humanity’s favor. So have another piece of pumpkin bread and drink another pumpkin spiced latte.

After all wasn’t it Aragorn who said:

 “Hold your gourd, hold your gourd!  I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men and women fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of Halloween fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered pumpkin fields, when the age of pumpkin carving comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we eat and fight, but mainly we eat! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you feast on all that is pumpkin Men and Women of the West!”

 

 

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  1. #1 by jenniferthewriter on October 3, 2012 - 12:29 pm

    That’s pretty awesome about that huge pumpkin. I figure in another 12 years pumpkins will have learned how to walk and talk and be making jack-o-lanterns out of us.

  2. #2 by here2havefun on October 3, 2012 - 2:20 pm

    And that’s exactly why we can’t wait another 12 years or 12 days for that matter. Each of us has to take immediate action. Why just this morning I ate two slices of pumpkin bread – I encourage you and your blog followers to do the same. Together we can stem this dreaded pumpkin orange tide.

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